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| Additional Horoscopes
Aries: Don't be such a baby. Every real problem has a real solution, so nothing is insurmountable. Unless you're just being a baby and you're crying over imagined slights and issues. Sounds like you.
Taurus: As much as we hate to admit it, your practicality can have a real function in the world of spirituality. Setting karmic goals can do a lot of good for people. Not for you, however. You're screwed.
Gemini: Daydreaming is dangerous for someone like you who can't stop talking. You're liable to blab out your subconscious, right in front of your co-workers. Be comforted in knowing that they hate you, too.
Cancer: Still feeling like helping out in the neighborhood? People will really appreciate the help. Get a hug out of it and fulfill your pathetic, starving need for human affection, and then leave them alone.
Leo: When someone else freaks out, you don't have to freak out bigger and better to top them. You can stroke your ego in other ways like self-righteous indignation. It's always worked for you in the past!
Virgo: It's true, not everyone is as organized as you. While their slow pace may drive you crazy, you're going to have to respect their methods. After all, you're a loser, so how much could you really know?
Libra: Appreciate the small things in life, such as helping others. Small kindnesses are bigger than you realize, so treat someone to a nice spa treatment or makeover. Doing it for yourself would be pointless.
Scorpio: Yes, your life is terrible. You're unhappy and you've accomplished next to nothing. Try imagining real hard on what you want in your life and maybe, just maybe, Tinkerbell won't die!
Sagittarius: Call up some old friends since you probably don't have any new ones. Ask them about their day and their lives ... we're sure they won't mind describing what it's like to have one.
Capricorn: Helping others gives you a warm feeling inside, so pitch in! People know they can count on you to get the job done ... and then they always forget to invite you out for drinks after. You're just lame.
Aquarius: A community of people can only take so much of a bad thing before they revolt and rebel against it. You're lucky they aren't burning heretics at the stake anymore, or you might have had to hide.
Pisces: You've got a ton of good spirit within you today, so put it to use by helping the most helpless of them all: yourself. You're in bad shape, especially your face, and besides ... it's not like anyone cares.
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